Chewing my keyboard

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

In the absence of the forums, another test...

This one's about the sex of your brain.

Despite often quibbing that I'm actually a gay transvestite trapped in a woman's body (and thus I'm perfectly happy being there :D), I come out as being an absolutely average woman with a score of exactly 50% female. The breakdown of topics is more interesting (although not entirely unexpected).

I got 11/12 in the manipulation of 3D shapes test, 6/10 in recognising facial expressions (which is apparently pretty high), poor on word association (about 4-5 words only) and low on recognising the positioning of objects (below male and female average). Proper breakdown of scores possibly later. Apparently I'm attracted to men with more feminine faces (again, no surprise to me).

I wonder if I'd get different scores if I do this in a few months time... The self is a philosophical problem because biologically, we shed all our cells and replace them about every 6 months (or is it 6 years) IIRC. We regard ourself as being the same person despite the fact that if we replaced all the timbers of a ship, kept the original timbers and built a new ship, which is the 'real' ship? I've started to question seeing myself as the same person. I have the same broad characteristics but I seem to have these periods of rapid mental and personality development in which all my perceptions, interpretations and objectives change. At the end despite the fact to the casual observer, I probably seem pretty much the same, I don't recognise myself in the memories I have of a few months previously.

I've been going through one of these periods since around November and it's challenging all my beliefs, my priorities and what I believe my future holds. I don't recognise myself in conversations I had as late as last November. I can almost sense people reacting differently to the subtle differences from 'past me' and I feel I'm moving into synchronisation with some of them and out of synchronisation with others. One or two friends, I'm really not in the same mental place anymore. Others I've moved into a different place and the nature of our interactions have changed. Some I seem to have slid into phase with and I'm really having to think very carefully about where I want to be in a year's time or what I really want out of our friendship - it's sending me into existential spasms and somersaults right now. I think I want to stop changing for a while so I can get my breath back...

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